sparkling weekend.

sat through a 3.5 hour meeting this morning with not one break.
there was a point where i literally lost the very will to live.


apparently a lady, down the street from my work, was accosted this morning by a man in a security uniform. i am assuming "accosted" means beaten up and/or raped. so, you know...i'll be sprinting like an olympic gold medalist to my car from now on.






last night we had the windows and balcony door open to let the fresh air inside. allie darling was asleep in my lap when all of a sudden a pack of coyotes started howling in the field behind our apartment. allie flew out of my lap growling and ran out on the balcony. then for the next hour she sat between the balcony door and i, constantly growling and barking.

i couldn't help but laugh. she weighs 10 lbs soaking wet and looks like a dandelion puff. what did she think she was going to do if those coyotes scaled the wall and climbed onto our balcony?

the best part was mr. darling howling at her every few minutes. and by "best part", i mean most annoying part. between her growls, mr. darling howling and the coyotes (after the day i had) i wanted to swallow half a bottle of tylenol and chase it with tequila.





we leave tomorrow (yay!) and i have big plans to not use my brain all weekend.
hope your weekends are just as beautiful.

i always tell sister darling to aim for the moon and land among the stars. which sounds poetic and beautiful but in reality translates to mean if you aim high enough you won't be so disappointed with mediocrity.

of course we also joke that elton john's anti-drug (remember those commercials, what's your anti-drug? and the kid would be like football! and apparently football is what keeps him from smoking crack.) is sparkly sunglasses, rockin' the piano and boy wieners.

so, there's that.
happy weekending.




don't you just love sparkly things? last night i told mr. darling if i were a fairy my wings would be gigantic, hot pink and sparkly. he smiled and told me i was pretty, which is code for: CRAZY. but he humors me and at the end of the day, is there really anything more romantic than that? a man who humors your crazy and still finds you beautiful. pictures are from here. and mr. darling? he's straight from pocasset. and from God.

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up on our tippy toes.

things have been a bit too down-in-the-dumps around here, haven't they?

so, let's see...

the race is fast approaching.

i'm tapering this week. been working out on the elliptical and ran three miles last night to keep my legs loose. my shoes are fried. i've been running in the same pair since may and think i surpassed the 400 mile limit a few weeks ago. in no way am i willing to break in a new pair just before the race (blister city)...so i'm hoping they won't bother me too much on sunday. my knee hurt last night (i blame the shoes) but other than that i feel really good and excited to run.

i have a goal set in mind, a time i am aiming for to run my 13.1 miles in. but i'm not willing to share it with you yet...don't want to be too embarrassed if i don't succeed. that's funny, isn't it? too embarrassed...clearly that's not me. pretty sure i've told you the story about how i wet the bed before? and wet my pants?

have i? i should, they are great stories.

and clearly i have bladder problems.

we are driving up saturday morning. uncle john boy and i are all in a tizzy about what to wear for the race. the weather should be in the 50's at the start of the race and sunny. we'll probably wear shorts and a short sleeved running shirt. but just to be safe we decided to pack all of our running clothes so we have plenty of options. if it's cloudy, rainy or windy then our clothing will need to adjust to the changes.

yes, we are definitely in a tizzy about this.

so, that's what is going on with me. running, racing and a few other things.

like mr. darling getting turned down for a job we so hoped he would get. a job he was more than qualified for...but that's the way life goes, i guess. he handled the news much better than myself. i was a crying mess and he was all, "don't you worry baby, God has something in store for us. all we can do is keep trying our best and keep praying."

he's right, i know.

but sometimes i want to ask God, "how long is long enough?" then i think of vanessa and a million other people fighting a million other battles and i remember we aren't alone. and we have so very much to be thankful for.

so, i'll focus on that right now. on all the beauty and all the blessings.

i can't remember where the photos are from, but if i had to guess i would say here.

these photos cause me to miss ballet. except i don't think i will ever miss the crazy cat lady teacher.

and please remember vanessa and brock and their family.

they have huge decisions to make and need your prayers. you can find their story here.

thank you for your prayers, so very much.

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baby brock.

her name was vanessa. she was my very first friend i made in college.

i saw her at the bsu (baptist student union) standing alone. i walked up and said hello.
a few weeks later we decided to room together and that was that.

i was there when she started dating the man she later would marry. we rushed sigma kappa together. went on double dates together. ate many disgusting meals at the cafeteria together. we drifted apart years later because that's what life does, gets complicated and busy and you lose people in the swirl of it all.

a couple of months ago we found each other on facebook and started catching up. we planned to have supper together one evening but she had to cancel. her son (less than a year old at the time) was diagnosed with leukemia that afternoon.

and her world turned upside down.

last night i read her latest update. brock's chemo is on hold due to his blood count, there is mold growing in the fluid around his lungs and the leukemia has spread to his eye.

i emailed van and told her how achingly sorry i was for her, how i hated this road she is walking down and was praying for her and her family (husband jason, daughter jaycie).

she wrote back and thanked me for not telling her everything will be okay and thanked me for not telling her that she (and her faith) are an inspiration to me (they are).

i didn't tell her everything will be okay because there is no guarantee it will be. just because we beg God to heal and move in miraculous ways doesn't mean He will. she said she doesn't want to be an inspiration to anyone and i smiled because i understood. because usually the road you are forced to travel that requires your faith to grow to an inspiring level is a road paved with real life nightmares. a road that forces you to sacrifice what you do not want to give up.

and so, please pray for her and brock and her family. they are in desperate need.

she said this the other day and i thought it was perfect...“but if He doesn't [heal brock], God will get the glory regardless. Because He is God. And He's saved me from the hell that I deserve because of my sin. And ultimately, that's all that matters. So I'm thankful that you're praying. Not because all of us might ‘change God's mind’ about what will ultimately happen with Brock, but because you're spending time talking with the Father.”






you can read brock's story here.


pictures from here . the pictures seem so serene and lovely, yes? i would like to go to the place where they were taken and spend the day there. maybe there we could live in a field full of pink dandelions and late summer sunshine.

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finding our way to the other side.

a few weekends ago mr. darling and I watched the movie, earth. there was a part where a flock of birds (geese, maybe?) were flying south to somewhere in southern asia for the winter. and to get to their destination they had to cross the himalaya mountain range.






well, they get to the highest peak of the mountains and suddenly the wind is so fierce and turbulent they cannot cross. they try to fly above it or around it but it’s too strong, too high, too wide to cross. if they continue to try the wind will blow them into the face of the mountains and they will die. so they land on the mountain and spend the cold, hard night there alone. at first light they try to cross. they have to hurry because when the sun warms the air in the valley it will rise up quickly and that is what causes the wind to become so strong and fierce. they take off flying as fast as they can and sure enough the wind warms the air and it rises and the winds become wild again. the geese fly higher and higher. faster and faster. and they barely make it. but they made it. they crossed the mountain range safely and they go on their way to warm asia.





and as the camera filmed the birds flying into the distance I began to cry. (silly, right?) because I understood their fight, understood how dark and cold the night on the mountain can be. and because I hoped, like those birds, that if we fight hard enough, try long enough we’ll make it over the mountain.






photos are from all over...i saved them before i started documenting their home. so if you know, let me know.

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secret places.

it was still dark when I arrived at the lake. so I sat in my car, waiting for the sun. and slowly it rose, slowly up out of the water. painting the sky hot pink. and then in a just a short amount of time…the time it takes to inhale and exhale just a handful of breaths…the cold front moved in. and I couldn’t see the sun anymore. all there was around me was fog and grayness.

so I ran anyway.

12 miles alone is not so fun. I kept whining to myself, wanting to take a walk break, and in the next moment scolding myself for being such a baby. as I ran along the lake it was just me out there…of course there were many other runners and cyclist but the fog hid them from me. I felt very much alone. but in reality, i never was.

isn’t that the way it goes most of the time?

my breath hangs in my throat a lot these days. wishing and hoping and praying (isn’t that how the song goes?)…wanting so much for God to move, hesitant to hope too much because I don’t want something that isn’t His will. wanting nothing than everything He has planned for us, wishing to set my heart on only what is in His hands.

nothing more. nothing less. nothing else.

so we wait. and we hope.

and we rest in that secret place, that hidden place deep in the nook of His hand.

all photos from here.

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weekend wishes.

today, on my way to the restroom, our thursday/friday security guard (different from our monday to wednesday guard) remarked, “mrs. darling, I want to tell you something and I don’t want you to take it as me being a dirty old man…” I laughed because he’s 80 and has a hearing aid. “I really like your hair, it compliments your face and you look very pretty.” I smiled and thanked him, assured him it was in no way a creepy remark. I just love little, old men. the non-creepy ones, that is.

did you know I work in the inner-city? like, really inner city. it often reminds me of Abidjan in unexpected ways. and it will occur to me at the most unexpected times and suddenly my heart is aching, the breath from my lungs as I remember my favorite restaurants and my friend who sold fish and vegetables on the corner in marcory.

I spoke with mr. darling on the phone after his interview. actually, i was upset because the interview had been over for an hour and he still had not called me. finally he interrupted my speech, "darling, i'm trying to tell you something!" he told me he received another call and has another interview (different company) this afternoon.

more prayers, please. and thank you, with all of our hearts.

and my heart squeezed tight as I prayed for mercy, prayed for grace. then he told me he wanted to take me out tonight and my heart squeezed tighter because yesterday was such an awful day. the sort of day that snowballs into such a headache you can hardly believe how it got that way. and by the end I stood in the hot shower, shaking from anger and crying secret tears. (because I hate crying in front of people. except for those times when tears sneak up like a ghost around the corner and suddenly you can’t stop the tears and you’re standing in the middle of the department store hating your emotions.) my heart squeezed tight because mr. darling saw the pain of yesterday and wanted to make it better in any way he could and he knew I needed tonight. knew I needed to slip away from the rest of the world and hide with him in some corner booth. and even if we end up not making it out, just the possibility is good enough. the hope, the star to wish upon, the distant promise of something better than what is at hand.

so, here’s to stars and wishes. to crumbling cities and friends far away. to corner booths and hot showers that wash away hurtful tears. here’s to the weekend, may it be full of grace and joy.

i found these paintings on etsy months ago. if you know the artist, let me know so i can credit her. silly me, i forgot to scribble down that most important of information.

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clearly it's near the end of the week...my eyes are burning and i am c.r.a.n.k.y.

mr. darling has an interview on friday and another on tuesday. please pray for him, if you remember. we would both be so very grateful.




it seems lately things are snowballing and we have some huge decisions staring us in our faces. and while I dislike small changes, I often crave huge ones. the other day I suggested we move to the bahamas and start a tourist fishing business. mr. darling laughed, he didn’t understand I was serious as a heart attack.





today he’s building fence for my parents on their ranch. I spoke to him a few minutes ago, scolded him after he admitted he had not eaten yet today and had been working since the sun was up. (he left when I got up at 5:30) I’m proud of him, he’s such a hard worker and I’m often shocked at how strong he is, lifting heavy things with one arm and smiling at me as he climbs the flight of stairs. and in the next moment he’ll scoop up the dog (or me) and cuddle and snuggle and be a big teddy bear. and while I’m normally not sappy, today I feel so. four years ago this month was our first date. he took me to my favorite restaurant and then to downtown okc. we walked around (I tripped twice –typical), rode the boat on the canal, ate ice cream (he spilled some on his shirt – typical). it was a cold evening. I wore pink ballet flats and green chiffon top from jcrew and a black blazer. I remember feeling very uncomfortable because that outfit was very out of the ordinary for me. his shirt was blue and it’s still my favorite color for him to wear. we ran into one of his ex-girlfriends, it was awkward for him, while I greedily grasped at the opportunity to make fun. it was the typical first date, except it wasn’t. it was my last first date.






and in other news, three races in the next three weeks. half marathon on the 22nd, turkey trot on thanksgiving and the santa run on december 5th. after that a break to have my tattoo re-inked and possibly go to the doctor about my feet. it’s now too painful to wear heels and I’m worried my toenails are beyond repair.

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